Watch, Wait and Wonder is based on observing a child’s play.  The primary rule of this activity is that the caregiver should not initiate activity (Wesber, Dowling & Johnson, 1982).  Parents are requested to sit on the floor with their child and be watchful and responsive to whatever the child wants to do rather than to initiate, teach, instruct, correct or intervene in their child’s play only joining in when invited to do so by the child.  WWW is a child led activity where the child is given the opportunity to have the undivided attention of a caregiver, Non directiveness in the part of the caregiver is almost the only stringent requirement (Johnson, Dowling & Wesner, 1980).  The presence of the caregiver in this way gives the child the message that everything she does is both valuable and interesting. The infants behaviour is not controlled but allowed to become the focus of the parent’s attention.  This may be a difficult departure from usual caretaking routines (Johnson, Dowling & Wesner 1980).

The term Watch, Wait & Wonder was coined by Johnson, Dowling & Werner 3 psychiatrists from Milwaukee USA in a journal article published in 1982.   They ran community groups of parents with children between 9 months and 3 years who met twice monthly to discuss and practice WWW with professionals.   Elizabeth Muir, Nancy Cohen and colleagues at the C.M. Hinchs Institute then extended and trialled the concept in the early 1980’s as a therapeutic tool for to assist observation and reflection of parent-child interactions with the aims of healing troubled parent-child relationships.  This took place in a clinical setting usually requiring weekly or twice weekly sessions for an initial 10 sessions which could be extended depending in need

The program has since been adapted in Australia by Dr Michael Zilibowitz, a Developmental & Behavioural Paediatrician making it readily available as a universal approach to mindful parenting.

In this parent education approach caregivers are encouraged to set aside 20 – 30 minutes at least three times a week to experience WWW with their child.  Sessions should be conducted preferably in an enclosed space like a bedroom with minimal distractions.  If possible the same toys are used for each session and the infant comes to “anticipate the sessions and use them in quite specific and idiosyncratic ways”.

By learning to watch and not intervene caregivers become more attuned and sensitive to their child’s communication.  This often allows a new rhythm to develop in the attachment relationship which interrupts old action and reaction patterns of response and has the potential to enrich the relationship between the parent and the child.

At first glance this approach is deceptively simple, however it is often very difficult for parents to adapt the observer rob if they are usually intrusive or directive.  Similarly it is often difficult for withdrawn or detached parents who have not attended to or avoided their child’s activities to take on the active observer stand (Lojkaser, Cohen, Muir, 1994).

1. Who is WWW for?

   • In this adapted format, the WWW program is a universal parent education program suited for most parents of children aged between nine months (when babies have greater capacity for self-regulation, mobility, and communication) and four years, although babies from four months and children much older than four years can also benefit.

   •  Children who have been diagnosed with Level 3 Autism are unlikely to benefit from the WWW program.  They can however benefit from a practice I call Watch, Follow, Name (WFN) which builds on the foundation of WWW.  I will describe WFN in greater detail at the back of his manual.

   • The program may not work for severely psychiatrically ill and depressed parents, at least until they have had some help to alleviate their depression (Muir 1993).

2.  What are the benefits of WWW

   It has the potential to:-

   •  Increase parents awareness of and sensitivity to their child’s cues supporting a healthier parent / carer / child relationship.

   • Facilitate more loving and attuned parent-child interactions which promotes healthy brain development and is often followed by a surge in development, including language, play and motor skills.

   • Foster more enjoyable parent-child interactions.

   • Settle difficult child behaviours such as tantrums, aggression and excessive attention seeking behaviours.

   • Settle difficult and sometimes hostile sibling rivalry behaviours.

   • Assist children to play more independently without the need for constant adult attention.

   • Enrich children’s imagination and creativity in play.

THEORETICAL UNDERPINNINGS OF WWW

Mahrer et al

Donald Winnicott a paediatrician and child psychiatrist in London beautifully explains the www concept in a book in 1976 where he says that the freedom to explore while held in the safety net of the parents benign presence and attention develop into the capacity to be alone.  He goes on to virtually describe WWW by saying that with too much interference from parents or too much absence a child is forced to use her mental energy to cope with her parents intrusiveness or absence instead of being free to explore herself.  This mental energy and the child’s thinking mind then takes over and the child feels empty.

When parents are intrusive or absent children have to remain on guard, mobilised, to respond to their parents fears and anxieties unable to float away into their own experience, to explore their own inner worlds.  He states that the capacity to be alone in ones own inner world is the antidote to feeling lost and empty.

It is this kind of aloneness with one own inner world that Winnicott proposes is the foundation of all creativity.  However, he adds it is not possible when one is too alone, or on the other hand too intruded upon.  It can only develop when the holding environment is safe and unobtrusive.

At its best this is the goal that WWW is aiming to achieve.

WWW creates a space for parents to observe and watch their child’s play.  Play is children’s work.  It is similar to adult dreams, a place to metabolise unresolved conflicts and struggles through the symbolic use of toys and objects.

In the presence of a still observant parent children will usually play out the important themes and issues in their lives often themes and issues relevant to their relationship with the observing parent.  Having a parent still present and available to interact with or not, enables the child to float away into their inner world which and this in itself therapeutic.  This process also opens up the opportunity for further exploration of the meaning or communication of the child’s play and behaviour during WWW.

It allows for both parent and child to get to know each other’s temperament better (Wesner, Dowling & Johnson, 1982) for the parent to appreciate that child rather than the child they had wished for or a child with a temperament more like their own and hence more knowable.

Parents often know that they need to spend more time with their child but don’t know how to do this.  This is especially true for parents who didn’t have an adult available to play with them when they were children.  WWW provides them with a structured approach that requires stillness and time, 2 commodities often in short supply in busy homes.

This intervention relieves the parent of the anxious need to play with their child, to set up elaborate games or creative opportunities.

Wesner, Dowling & Johnson theorizedthat infant centred activity might formalise and routinize an important kind of parental reinforcement which otherwise would occur only randomly if at all.

It also provides the parent with the opportunity to observe themselves and observe their reactions to their child’s play.  Many parents escape from experiencing their own anxieties, psychological discomfort and pain stirred by the experience of being a parent by being very busy.  WWW encourages parents to be still and this allows their own history of being a child and of being parented to surface from their unconsciousness. These memories can sometimes be painful and challenging but also provides opportunities for fruitful further exploration.

“By learning to watch and not intervene the parent begins to appreciate their child’s individuality and gets to read the child’s signals more objectively less coloured by projection from the past”.   For example a shy parent may dislike any sign of shyness or timidness in their child as it awakens their own unwanted memories and feelings of similar behaviours.  Parents often projected their dis-owned feelings into the child who is then criticized, judged and made wrong.

WWW creates a space for the parent to mindfully take on the observer role.  Mindfulness is the capacity to become an observer of ones own feeling , thoughts and behaviours without acting them out.

Stillness is at the core of all Mindfulness practices.

In this place of mindful stillness the likelihood of perpetuating past action and reaction behaviours is greatly reduced.

By learning to watch and not intervene parents being to see and appreciate their child as an individual in their own right rather than merely a reflection of themselves.

This modified version of WWW is not aimed specifically at difficult or troublesome parent child relationships.

It is I believe a universal concept that has the potential to enrich the interactions between all children and their parents in every family.

MAHRER, AR; LEVINSON, JR – 1976

Infant Psychotherapy:  Theory Research and Practice

Psychotherapy: Theory Research and Practice, 13, 131-140.

25^th August 2020